Gratitude
So let’s start with the first one. So the first one is gratitude. When you’re thankful, you’re happy. And when you’re thankful, you’re not stressed. And there’s this conflict in people’s minds, where if I’m taking responsibility over my actions, I can’t be as thankful. Because if I know that what’s creating my success or failure is me, myself, then I should be thankful for itself for having it. And this is why many people who are highly achieving, very responsible, like thinking a lot about themselves, are not enjoying enough the presence of thankfulness or gratitude.
And I believe that you can have both at the same time. You can say, making this work or not work, like my life, my relationships, my business is 100% on me. If something fails, it’s on me. If something works, it’s on me. Everything’s on me. But still, I can say that, what created me, was not me. It was my parents, it was like if I have some spiritual belief or something like that. The fact that I have the circumstances in which I can act.
For example, I believe that if I would be living in 40, or 60, or 100 years ago, maybe I wouldn’t be able to do exactly what I was doing and be as successful as I am doing that. Maybe I had to do stuff in a different way. Maybe some of my strength would not have been usable if another person would not have invented electricity or the internet. So many things you can still be grateful for.
And I believe that the number one thing you can be grateful for is for having yourself. Each and every one of us has his own strengths and weaknesses. And if we’re smart enough, which I believe you are, then you know how to use your strengths to your advantage. And you know how to create wonderful things with your strengths. But still, your strengths were given. You got them. So you’re very lucky to have them. So luck does play a big role, I believe, in our lives, not in the simplistic version of like, you had luck, you’ve succeeded. I don’t have luck, I’m a failure.
But more in the sense of, we are all lucky to be here. We’re all lucky to have the things we have, the tools we have, the strength we have (both physically, mentally, psychologically, spiritually, everything). We’re lucky to have the past we had. Because the past we had, be it hard or easy, supportive or abusive, our past is what created our current way of thinking. And the fact that we are here now is thanks to what we’ve been through. So it’s very easy to be very grateful, if you choose to, if you look at it this way. And I think that gratitude is the easiest way to be happy instantly. If you ask yourself,
“What can I do to be happy now?”
The easiest answer would be take out a pen and paper and write down 10 things you really are grateful for, that you’re lucky to have in your life. You’ll instantly be happy. You don’t even need the pen and the paper. Just as if there are three things that I’m really really really grateful for? You’ll instantly be happy. This is the first habit. Practicing gratitude as a way of life.
Physical fitness
Habit number two is taking care of our bodies. When our body is out of shape, our life is out of shape. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to have a six pack or 10% body fat or whatever. It doesn’t mean you have to fit exactly in this pair of jeans or something like that. But it does mean that you take constant effort and invest it in yourself. When you take the time, the money, the energy, the effort, the resources, and put them in yourself, you send a subliminal message to your brain saying,
“I am here to stay. Everything is going to be fine. I can let everything go and focus on me for a few minutes, for a few hours, for some time.”
Regularly exercising has been scientifically proven to increase happiness. I believe it was tested that people were simply walking and jogging, not even running, like walking a few miles a day around the block. Eating healthy makes you feel better. And it’s usually a vicious circle. It’s usually when you’re so stressed, you don’t have time to cook, you don’t have time to prepare your food, you don’t have time to exercise, so your body starts to feel crap. And so you have within less time and less energy. Sometimes, you simply have to stop this circle and start saying,
“Okay, I’m, I’m putting the time. I’m putting the energy in.”
And with investing this time and energy in exercising, in cooking, in having notorious foods will give us more energy, will make us more productive, will give us more time of the day in which we can actually have energy and be productive. And it pays off. I can personally say that I’ve been self-employed, a business owner, whatever, ever since I was 20. And I can easily say and easily see that, in the times that my business grew the most, I was in the best physical shape. When I’m taking care of myself, when I’m exercising, when I’m eating healthy, I see business results almost instantly, almost like in a couple of weeks starts to appear.
And it’s not just like a spiritual thing. I believe it’s also a spiritual thing. But it’s also like a very practical thing that you have more energy, that you’re stronger that you’re facing conflict every single day when you’re exercising. You’re facing pain, you’re facing discomfort every single day. And when life gives you discomfort, you’re used to it. That’s one thing.
Internal fitness
Habit number three is taking care of your soul. If we said number two is taking care of your body. Number three is taking care of your soul. And that’s spending time and doing things you love and aad some playfulness to it. Making sure your life is fun. It is just as important as making sure it is effective. Some things I do that are incredibly ineffective, but I do them in this way because it’s way more fun.
For example, once every two weeks, we’re filming business related videos with business tips about sales and managing people and financing and marketing and everything, strategy. And I’m filming those videos with two more people, which is incredibly ineffective. Because I can just come here, do my videos in 15 minutes and severely it takes like 90 minutes. But it’s way more fun. It’s enriching. It makes the experience better. And it’s easier for me to stick to this habit because it has this social part to it as well.
So doing some stuff not in the most effective manner, but sometimes only in the more playful and nicer manner, something that may be more fun for us is very important. Most days I’m picking up my kid and taking him to the kindergarten some days. Me and my wife are taking him to the kindergarten together. That’s stupid. It’s a simple task. Each and every one of us can do it by himself. The other person can do something effective at a time. But simply doing this thing together, adds something. It’s not always about effectiveness. It’s something about giving your soul what it wants sometimes.
Next! Think about it. What is one thing…? An old teacher of mine used to say that the best way to go here is ask yourself this question, especially for busy people.Let’s say you had four more hours in a week. And you had zero responsibilities. And nothing you had to do those four hours, “what would you do in those four hours?” And when you think about it, take this thing and simply find the way to do it. Okay. That’s the way he taught me.
Healthy relationships
So happiness habit number four is having deep and meaningful relationships. It is investing in your relationships. And also noticing which people in your life are actually people you want to spend your time with, you want to have deep and meaningful relationships with them. And learning what kind of people are not necessarily people you don’t like, or disrespect or anything like that, but they can stay your friends. But you don’t have to spend as much time or as much energy with. You can spend more of your time with the people you care the most about. So this is something, spend more time with people you love. And make it a priority to spend more time with the people you love the most.
Set goals and achieve
Number five is setting goals and achieving them. Very easy! Very simple! very straightforward! Deciding you’re going to do something, and then doing it fulfills the most basic way of self confidence. When I want something, I achieve it. If I need something, I get it. Setting goals and achieving them is a skill. It’s a habit, but it’s also a skill. To begin with, for many people, if those people are not used to setting goals, if they’ll try to set long term, very hard goals, it will be incredibly hard for most people. And this might actually very well make them unhappy, because they will feel like they’re not achieving their goals.
So I would start if you’re not setting goals on a regular basis. I would start at setting easy short term goals. Not like I’m going to lose 80 pounds, like I’m going to lose five pounds this month. Not like I’m going to make a million dollars, like I’m going to get a raise in the next three months. A small goal you can definitely achieve, to get in the habit of setting and achieving goals, setting and achieving goals, setting and achieving goals, setting and achieving goals. It’s easy. It’s simple. And it makes us happier and more confident. Personally, I set goals every week.
On Sundays, I sit down, I write down the top goals for my week. I have 90 day goals. Every 90 days, I sit and set my 90 day goals. And I also have a list of long term goals. But you can do it your way. Because this is not a goal setting workshop. Maybe one day we’ll have a talk about goal setting, but basically even having like short term easy goals builds up your self confidence, builds up your toughness and makes you happier.
Positive talks
Happiness habit number six is to talk positively of other people. Getting used to seeing the positive in other people. It’s not about lying. It’s not about butt licking. It’s about managing your focus. It’s about focusing on the positive. When I want to talk about someone I think for a second. I think what are the positives aspects of these people. And these are the aspects I try to focus on when I’m talking about them.
It will make it easier for you to see the positives in people with time and it will make it easier for you to see the positives in yourself. When we’re very critical of other people, we’ll become very critical of ourselves. Many people tend to say that they are very critical of themselves, but not so critical of other people. That’s a lie. You are critical of other people. Simply don’t say it. You see the negatives of other people. Simply don’t say it. Because you’re trying to be polite. But if you’ll get used to seeing the positives in other people, and actually truthfully, admiring and valuing other people, you will value yourself.
Be with nature
Number seven is spending time with or in nature, the easiest way to do it is buy some plants and put it in your office. [Inaudible 16:05] with nature, in nature is even better. So for some people, it’s a huge hassle. So at least with nature. Maybe you can find a place at home to put some flowers or something. It’s a start. Once in a while when you’re driving on the road, in your car, open the window. It’s uncomfortable, but it can be liberating. Find the time to sit in the sun, even on the roof or whatever.
Spent some time in nature, this has been scientifically proven to make people more happy, by the way. And if you can find a hobby or an activity, you actually do in real nature, like actually move yourself to a place with less walls and less concrete. By the way, in my opinion, fake nature works almost as well. So if, for example, you have a balcony and you put fake grass on the floor, it works. It’s not like real nature, but it makes part of the experience.
Sharing with others
Number eight is making sure you are giving. When we’re giving, we’re sending signals to our brains that we have enough. We are strong. We’re powerful. We’re capable. So maybe find some time to volunteer in some work. Maybe take some of your money and give it away. Jim Rohn, one of the most famous motivational speakers, I think, they’re ever worn, is to say that when you’re giving money to charity, go there and have the walk. He calls it the walk.
Like if you’re, for example donating for a place that gives food to people, then go there one day and just look at the people that are delivering the food. So that you will have an emotional connection and not just see the money go down from your bank account. But see the value as well. Depending on the cause, if you pay for someone’s medical facilities, then go there and see people using those medical facilities, see what the actual value of the money you’re giving is because it’s very easy when you’re volunteering, you see the impact of what you’re doing. But when you’re giving money, it’s harder to see. It might become a bit technical and not inspiring. So doing it might be very effective.
Being with happy people
Number nine is being around happy people. You want to be happy and you don’t want to be stressed. It’s very easy to be stressed when you’re about stressed people. You’re around stress people. I used to have a marketing agency business. We use to develop websites and do marketing for businesses. And this was my first “successful business”. I had other ventures that were complete crap. But this venture was actually quite successful.
We had plenty of money coming in, plenty of clients coming in. We had several employees. And it was actually going very well. We actually managed to work with some of the biggest companies in the country. But then I realized that in this field – and I’m not sure that it’s everywhere. But the way I see it in my business was – everyone was always stressed. The agencies we were cooperating with were always very stressed with their deadlines. Every time the clients would see something that they wouldn’t like to do was, they were incredibly stressed about it.
And so the work was very stressful. And I knew I did not want to live a stressful life. So in the beginning, I had this dream or this idea where I’ll grow this company so much, that they’ll be stressful, and I won’t. Because I’ll be the CEO and the stress won’t come to me. But the two things I actually learned, I came to realize was, one, when you manage stressed people, you will get stressed yourself. And the second thing was that I don’t want to pay people to be in this position. I don’t want to lock people in this position, where they’re getting money to be stressed.
So today, in every single business, I’m starting or every idea of intrapreneurship that I’m being around, this is one of the criteria I always face. I’m not getting into a business that requires me or the people around me to be stressed all the time, or that it would be counted as irresponsible, unprofessional to be not stressed. So it’s choosing everything in your life. [Inaudible 22:25].
So first of all, it depends how stressed they are. And it depends how many other people you have in your life. If we were like working in a very small company, that it’s only you and your boss, and he’s talking to you every single day and every single time he’s stressed, I would strategically try to do one of two things. One, make him less stressed, or two, find a different job. And so this is about the workplace. Personally, I have some people in my work life that I can have very profitable transactions with, that I don’t do business with just because they’re stressed all the time. So this is for me. And I used to do it like five or six years ago. It was harder for me to do it.
Because I would give up money that I felt I really needed it. So sometimes I did get myself into those kinds of deals, but still I would always regret it later. So what I’m trying to do is as best I can to avoid those deals, to avoid those situations in my work life. And regarding your spouse or very, very close family members, I believe that this is our job sometimes as partners as parents as siblings or stuff like that, to help people to give them confidence, to help them be more competent in their place and less stressed. And with the people around us, it’s a process. My wife was a very stressed person when I met her. Of course, when I just met her, it’s hard to tell. Because when both people are very in love and they don’t have anything on them, everyone has their own life, and you are not so exposed to the other person’s stress. But I quickly found out that she has a lot of stress in her life.
And by simply being there with her in a very calm manner and taking some of the burden off her shoulders to mine, and showing her, not like, “You see! I’m doing it.” Simply just by example. Leading by example, showing her that I can do some of those things whilst I’m smiling, she’s like, “But it’s really hard. And it’s stressful that you did it.” Right now, I’m like, “It wasn’t so easy. But yeah, but I had fun doing it.” And it’s not like doing it once. But doing it over and over and over again, it reduces the stress of the person. No one wants to be stressed. No one wants to be fearful. People want to be relaxed. But some people feel if they will be relaxed, it’s irresponsible or stuff like that. So showing them by example that you’re responsible and you’re relaxed, will make them gradually be less stressed. And adding more positive people around you can be very helpful. And those are the two tips I would give.
Mediating
Number 10 is spending some time meditating. The art or the science of mindfulness has seen a great rise and awareness in the last couple of years. And I’m very happy about it. Here in this country, many schools started to teach meditation and mindfulness, starting in junior high, and sometimes even on very small children. This is one of the most scientifically measured and proven methods to generate more happiness and to handle stress. And I think the main problem with mindfulness and meditation today is that there’s still a very old conception of it, like, in order to meditate, you have to shave your head and to put some strange clothes and music and sit in a position that most modern people can’t even sit, and have this Chinese like [Inaudible 27:18] stuff like that. And this feels like a hustle.
So meditation feels like a hustle, feels like I cannot do it. And the second reason people don’t meditate, I think, is that they have this expectation of some incredible magic happen while they’re meditating. And so that when they are meditating, they’re feeling like they’re doing it wrong. They feel like they’re doing it wrong. And they feel like I can’t meditate. I’m not doing it good enough. And instead of making them happier,, it makes them even more depressed and reduces their self esteem. Because they seem to be failing on meditation. So two main things about meditation.
One, it’s very easy. Everyone can do it. Everyone can do it in their gym clothes. Everyone can do it in their work clothes. You can do it in a suit. You can do it sitting. You can do it standing. You can lay down. You can do it wherever, whenever, however you want to do it. That’s one. And it doesn’t have to take a lot of time. Today I’ll teach you how to meditate for 30 seconds. And to be like in a very good meditative state.
Number two is you cannot possibly fail at meditating. It’s impossible. If you are trying to meditate, you are by definition meditating. So it’s impossible to fail. Meditation, it’s not about like succeeding, it’s about discovering, it’s about slowly understanding what meditation is. It’s not about doing it right.
So the way I do it is that I have created some sort of an anchor, some sort of a habit, some sort of a way for myself. It’s a well thought method for hypnotherapists. And it’s a very easy way to very easily get into a meditative state. It takes one second, even less to get into the state. But it takes like 5 to 7 to 10 minutes to build. So we’ll build it together and then you’ll be able to use it at home for as long as you want. And I’ll teach you how to do it. Basically right now, for me, all I have to do to get into a very deep, very powerful meditative state is sit down, say to myself, “I want to stay in the state for like 10 seconds,” for example. That’s it. 10 seconds of meditation.
Now, of course, I would like to practice meditation for longer periods. But when I don’t have time, I simply say, “Okay, 30 seconds.” And after those 30 seconds, you will feel differently, you’ll feel better, you feel more relaxed, more focused. People can get all the benefits of meditation, even if they’re meditating for very short periods of time. You don’t have to do it for three hours. I think most research was done about 5-15 minutes of meditation. So most research is actually about short periods of meditation, not about long periods of meditation. So I thought, let’s do it together.
All you have to do so comfortably. Both hands on your legs and feet on the floor. And just for practicing, just for starting the habit, we’ll take a few deep breaths together. So when I say “breathe in”, we’ll all breathe in from our nose, feel our lungs and choose a point in the ceiling and concentrate on that specific thing. Practice this 20 times a day for 20 days. You can do it for 10 seconds a time. 10 seconds a time. 20 times it’s less than four minutes. You can do it in the morning or in the evening or in the afternoon. You can do it on your lunch break. Never do it while you’re driving. Always when something is comfortable, in your bed, on your sofa, on a good chair.
Do it 20 times a day for 20 days. Meditation will become a habit. You’ll do it wherever you want to do it. This was the promise I was given when I started hypnotherapy. He told me to do it for 20 days, 20 times a day and I did. Today, I do it once every couple of days for 7 or 10 minutes. But it’s easy for me. When something happens, I can instantly do it. I can react with it. But you need to build this habit to wire yourself, to simply turn it off whenever you want to turn it off. Because it’s easy. And it feels good.
Try to always do the right thing
Bonus happiness is trying to always do the right thing. The right thing in your opinion with your values. Many people nowadays are trapped in unhappiness because they’re trying to do what will make them feel happy. A person pursuing happiness will almost always become unhappy. This is one of the biggest lies that we’re told to our generation, that the most important thing in life is to be happy. When you give someone the goal, when you make someone aim for happiness, he will never be happy.
Because true happiness is generated by knowing you did the right thing. And so many times, we’re not doing the right thing because we feel like it will be more fun to do something else. It’ll be easier to do something else. When we’re doing the right thing, this is where true happiness comes from. I’m not going to preach about veganism. But for example, many people ask me, isn’t it hard to be vegan? “You’re vegan for like 10 years. Isn’t hard. Aren’t you taking away so much of life’s joy by being vegan, by not eating all those stuff?” And I used to love to enjoy eating meat so much. I wasn’t like one of those people who never liked it, I loved it.
I could buy something and open the barbecue just for myself, for my own steak. I could take a kilogram of chicken breast just for myself for dinner, truthfully. So it looks like I’m taking something that’s making me happy and removing it from my life. So that’s supposed to make me less happy. But that’s the opposite of the truth. Because true happiness is not made or not created by momentary things. It’s the deepest level of happiness created by knowing you’re doing the right thing.
Now, I’m not saying, although I believe it, that being vegan is the only right thing to do. But if you believe that being vegan is the right thing to do, then this will make you happier than anything else, even if it’s hard. If you believe that stepping up to a specific role is the right thing to do. Even if it’s hard, this is what will make you truly in the deepest manner happy. Even if it’s hard. So hard and happy sometimes go hand in hand. Not necessarily if you’re making hard and stupid things, then no. But if you’re making the right things and you’re happy, hard and happy it goes hand in hand.
Hey, it’s Gal Tzhayek. Thank you for watching this video. If you liked it, please press the thumbs up button. And you can also subscribe to the channel. Make sure you get notified each and every time a new video is uploaded. I’d like to hear your questions and review in the comment section below. And I’ll see you in one of those new videos.
